Well here I am, back to the blogging world, if only for a moment...and after not being here for a while. I am not here to report the usual updates on what the kids are doing and what kind of advancements they are making. No, this time around I am here to share my thoughts on something that has been consuming me these days. My baby is going to be 7 tomorrow. I know, I know...some of you are shaking your heads and saying, "my goodness Adrienne, get over it, she is only going to be SEVEN for crying out loud!" But I, for whatever reason, feel like this means she is so, dare I say, old. The fact that she is going in to second grade, can read EVERYTHING now, is increasingly independant, and the diva that she is, of course, does not help. I watch her playing, dancing, or doing anything for that matter, and am so very proud of who she has become. And yet, I can't help but feel this remorse that she doesn't need me as much anymore. On one end of the spectrum, I am still able to revel in chunky baby thighs, new words, and teething, and for that I am grateful. I am sure that softens the blow a little. But I can remember those days with Erinn. Back then, it was just she and I, and so we spent every minute of every day together (or at least that is how it felt). I am so thankful and feel blessed for all 3 of my children, and love them with all the heart that I have. I would never take anything away from Regan or Mattie, but Erinn will always have been my first. She was the one who made me a Mommy, and she was the start of that wonderful journey. I was able to spend so many quiet moments with her, while she learned me, and I learned her. And in the end, she has taught me more in her 7 years of life than I will ever be able to teach her in a lifetime. She is my little buddy, my little clone, my sidekick...I guess I just hope that she always will be. Now don't get me wrong though, I look forward to all that is to come, to watch her grow, and see more of who she is meant to be (except the teenage years, those...I fear). Each new phase and age bring something even more great, and our relationship changes to fit that age. I feel that way about each of my kids, and it is different with all of them. Those are things that a Mommy looks forward to, while still holding strong to those tiny baby memories that we don't want to ever forget.
No matter how much I fight it though, tomorrow will come, and my baby will wake up a big seven year old. Happy and excited for her big day, as I will be for her too, she will never see the tears I am sure to shed at some point that day. It will be wonderful, as all of our family and friends recount the day she came, and be there to celebrate her. Because she really is someone to celebrate, that Erinn Jae. And when the day is over, I will snuggle her before bed, and make her promise me that she will still snuggle me even when she is big and has babies of her own. And she will giggle and be in accordance with that plan, as she always is when I propose it. Then I will leave her room, probably in tears again, and hope that she truly meant it.
Happy 7th Birthday to my beautiful little, big girl!
