Perspective

I know, I know...here I am again, and it has not even been a month!!  We continue to be very busy here in the Williams household (as usual), and I know that I will have a lot to blog about in the coming weeks.  We have an upcoming dance recital, preschool graduation, and Fathers Day.  Not to mention various field trips and end of the school year activities.  The girls continue to perform well on the ball field, and Mattelyn has tackled some of the more difficult baby tasks of eating solid foods, crawling and pulling up on furniture, and mastering the sippy cup (this one needs more work).  But tonight I am writing more about some things that have been on my mind, as opposed to our daily routines.

Recently, I have begun to see things in a different light.  I know that back in the beginning of the year, I wrote about how I was going to try to be more positive, to take a different perspective.  And while I am happy to report that, for the most part I have, it has definitely not been easy.  I have walked away from situations I haven't wanted to, set my emotions aside to "do the right thing", and worried endlessly about my own actions.  All in all, I am happy with the path I chose in each of these instances, and most importantly, that I have learned to keep the anxiety at bay by looking at things differently.  I know that it sounds cheesy and cliche, but I have found myself learning to appreciate the more important things in life.  It has made me a better wife, mother, sister, friend, and I can only hope that it is something that will trickle down to my children, and teach them through example.  For instance...

I look at my children a different way.  Now don't get me wrong, I continue to have moments where I want to sell them on ebay, but I have started to realize what a blessing they truly are...even in those awful moments.  Why did God choose me to be their vessel, to nurture them and teach them?  Have I done this job justice, given it all that I was meant to?  There are some days that come to an end and I think, I didn't even get to play with my children today.  I was so busy with all the other mundane tasks of the day (that need to get done), but did I achieve the main job of letting them know that they are loved?  There are days that I feel like all I did was nag, and yell, and in essence, was the "Mommy Monster".  How do I combat these feelings of negativity at the end of the day?  Do other Moms feel this way?  So, how do I try to change these feelings of impending inadequacy?  I stop, and look at my kids, and smile.  And no, it isn't as Hallmark as it sounds.  Sometimes, it is not until the end of the night, when they are sound asleep and I cover them up again before heading to bed myself.  Sometimes, it is when they make me laugh with their witty remarks and their "hereditary" feistiness.  Sometimes it is when they are not even there, and all I have to do is think of them, and I want to cry.  Tears of happiness that I was chosen to be THEIR vessel.  That every morning, I get to wake up to the greatest and one of the most influential jobs there is.  Because I don't want there to be a day that goes by that I am not thankful for them and for who I get to be because of them.  Even when I want to pitch them out onto the lawn...I wouldn't have it any other way.

I try to let the small stuff slide.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a bit of a worrier.  I stress about quite a few things, and some things that I shouldn't.  Making sure your childs needs are met, definitely a stressor that should exist.  That the needs of the family in general are met, imperative.  Not so important however, is the fact that the laundry is folded at the end of the day...hey, it's washed isn't it?  Or that perhaps that bain of my existence, that white linoleum kitchen floor, has some dirt marks on it.  I know with my OCD they won't be there for long, but why do I have to do THAT right NOW?  I have been working on that.  If  I am not so burnt out, then the person I am to those that love me most, is the person I need to be.  THEY get the best of me...not the kitchen floors.

I "stop to smell the roses".  Yes, I have always loved to be outdoors, and loved everything about nature, but lately I am thankful for those beautiful nights where it is warm enough to sit outside, but cool enough to wear a sweatshirt.  That, as I am writing this blog, there is a big beautiful moon staring me right in the face.  How do people go through life not seeing these things?  When I go for a run (my new hobby), it is like I shut out the cars, the people, the "fillers", and I just run.  It is cleansing, and it feels great.  That is probably what keeps me coming back.

Perspective...I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but truthfully, it has helped me in ways that nothing else has.  At the end of the day, I KNOW I have been blessed.  At the end of the day, I KNOW I am a better person.  At the end of the day, I am thankful that I took the time to see some things that some people will never see.  Caught up in their hatred, or hurried lives, or selfishness.  That won't be me.  Amidst making lunches, and folding laundry, rushing to practices and appointments, and balancing a household, I will stop to be thankful for ALL of it.  It may not be easy, and sometimes I may slip up and forget, but I will make that effort for those that mean most to me.

I wouldn't have it any other way...

HAPPY JUNE ALL!  Until we meet again...